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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746377">Head Over Heels</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby'>TortiTabby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Eddie Lives, Eventual Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Gore, Pining, Roadtrip, Stan Lives, mild violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:41:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,070</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746377</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TortiTabby/pseuds/TortiTabby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"They were on a rescue mission, not that Beverley Marsh was the type of girl who waited for someone else to save her. She had been gone from Derry for just around two years and none of them had heard a word from her since she moved across the state. As soon as they could drive and summer stretched the days out longer with no school or any other bullshit they were required to attend, they were on their way for a surprise visit." <br/>Twenty odd years after their last roadtrip together, the Loser's reunite in Derry under less than ideal circumstances.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Richie/Eddie Bigbang 2019</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my fic for the Reddie bigbang!!<br/><br/>I have to, before anything else, thank @obsessivelymoody for being there for me so much with all of this and being the best cheerleader and so encouraging the entire time. And for sharing the excitement of it with me!!! You have definitely made this entire experience so great so thank you so much!!</p><p>I was incredibly lucky to get @juiceboxjimmy ! The art for this is stunning and I stare at it more than what is probably healthy!!<br/>I really lucked out team-wise!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>Derry, Maine is exactly how Richie would have remembered it, if he had remembered at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was still green and lush and felt old in a way a lot of the places he traveled out West never did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel as he drove through the streets he used to have mapped out behind his eyes, easily able to ride his bike to any of his close friends’ houses in his sleep back then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could remember them now, the people that started as friends and grew into family that accepted and loved Richie. He didn’t understand how he could have ever forgotten them. The fog in his mind that he hadn't even been aware of seemed to dissipate when he got the phone call from Mike. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his car into the parking lot of The Jade and glanced in his rear view mirror. 1992 glanced back with tacky dice hanging from the mirror of the rusting red minivan his parents so generously let him use. He was embarrassed as hell to drive around in it, but it wasn’t like all of his friends would fit in a smaller car, anyway. He looked in the mirror’s reflection at his close friends; Ben, Mike, Bill and Stan the Man making faces at him whenever they caught his attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie Kaspbrak, with his stick thin bare legs and short shorts only going to mid thigh, was eyeing Richie vigilantly from his right in the passenger side seat. If he told him </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘ten and two, Rich!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>one more time Richie was going to pretend to crash the damn van just to hear the outraged squealing. They were on a rescue mission, not that Beverley Marsh was the type of girl who waited for someone else to save her. She had been gone from Derry for just around two years and none of them had heard a word from her since she moved across the state. As soon as they could drive and summer stretched the days out longer with no school or any other bullshit they were required to attend, they were on their way for a surprise visit. He had a pack of cigs in his bag that he stole in her honor just for the occasion. It was almost worth the twenty minute lecture about smoking he received, even including all of the pacing and mile an hour ranting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking away from the rearview, He laughed quietly under his breath as he parked before recognizing the people hugging at the door of the restaurant. It had been nearly 30 years but there was no mistaking Beverly Marsh’s fiery hair and Ben Hanscom's kind eyes that were often drawn to Bev in a way Richie had always hoped he didn't mirror with Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He embraced both of them excitedly and jumped at the opportunity to hit the gong that was in the room reserved just for their little group of long-lost Losers, once they were inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes locked onto Eddie as he hit it. He was somehow the same. Older sure, and somehow more exasperated looking, which was impressive. But he was still so Eddie that Richie ached with the lost time and distance between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gold band around his ring finger was blinding and Richie felt like he had to shield his eyes and look away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Keep your eyes on the road, asshole! I swear I'm going to take over driving, Rich." A younger Eddie had turned all the way sideways in his seat in order to really chew Richie out. Richie bit his tongue at the urge to mock him and draw attention to it. Derry was long gone from their rear view and Eddie had finally loosened up. Richie wasn't going to be the one to put his mother's voice back into his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Calm down, Eds Spagheds. I’ve got this handled.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie made a disapproving noise that Richie knew without looking was paired with an over dramatic eye roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An Eddie that was twenty seven years older stared hard at him from across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill scoffed a laugh at Richie hitting the gong as Mike brought him in for a hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost three decades later and the first and foremost feeling that rushes through Richie is comfort. His shoulders sag and he exhales a relaxed breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> was his family. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was still working towards being able to fully be himself but he was never as close as he had been back in the Barrens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat around the table and caught up with each other. Richie was delighted to start off the night with a joke about Eddie’s mom that he somehow didn’t see coming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Richie.” That was Eds, alright. Richie felt warmth spread through his veins, and it wasn’t the shots he had been dared to drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still, something was off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is Stan?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie had a sinking feeling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tried to laugh it off but something was wrong. The dread that he felt, apparently the dread that </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of them felt, when they got the call wasn’t for nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beverly said It’s name, the fucking clown. The epitome of nightmares and all things rotten and wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The night quickly spun out of control in a way nothing ever did in any other part of the world that Richie’s seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a deep breath once they were back outside to the parking lot, luckily all unscathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pinched the bridge of his nose as he climbed back into his car. He couldn’t stay in Derry. It wasn’t worth it. They all made it out alive, last time. This time it didn’t even really start yet and they were down a person.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His head hurt. It felt silly to mourn someone you haven’t seen since you were 16. But Stan always was there for Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was transported back to that shitty minivan at the thought, always snickering at the looks Stan was shooting at him from all the way in the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie knew if Stan sat behind him he’d have his seat kicked the entire drive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Trashmouth are we going to stop for food soon? I’m starving!” Richie met his eyes in the mirror and promptly crossed his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” He laughed and ignored Eddie but still brought his attention back to the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a town just a little ways ahead. We’ve only been on the road like an hour, Stan the Man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could use the restroom.” Eddie piped up and Mike murmured in agreement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How am I the one acting the least like a toddler that’s never been on a road trip before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well you tell us, Mama Trashmouth, we’re in </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> minivan.”  Stan quipped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie sputtered a surprised laugh and swerved onto the shoulder of the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it! After we stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> going to drive.”</span>
</p><p><span>“Eds, we were just talking about how it’s </span><em><span>my</span></em> <em><span>car</span></em><span>.” </span><span><br/></span><span>Eddie just shook his head aggressively and crossed his arms. “I’m driving, asshole. We’re going to get to Bev alive.” </span></p><p>
  <span>“If Eddie drives I get to pick music since I’ll be shotgun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill and Mike groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who says you get to be shotgun if Eddie’s driving?” Stan yelled over the griping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> van!” Richie yelled. He got off the next exit and pulled into the parking lot of a run down fast food place he could already see Eddie wrinkling his nose at. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Love it or leave it, Eds. I think we got ourselves some slim pickin’ here!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wh-what voice was that supposed to be?” Bill asked. His stutter was almost totally gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie shrugged. “Southern belle?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stanley barked out a laugh as they piled out of the van doors “Don’t write home about it, Rich.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie flipped him off and they all piled into the lobby of the restaurant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie hopped back and forth restlessly while they waited in line. It was driving Richie crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds, what is up with you, man?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Don’t call me that.” Eddie groaned but stopped hopping. “I just… I don’t know why but I just hate that statue.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The group turned their eyes towards the bench with the ceramic clown on one side of it, arms open for children to run over and sit with him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie’s stomach twisted at the sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate it too.” Ben said quietly after a moment of stunted silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Guys. You guys don’t remember the clown?” Stanely was white as paper and looked at them all like they were crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Bill sounded like the air got knocked out of him. Richie patted his back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could I </span>
  <em>
    <span>forget</span>
  </em>
  <span> that?” Eddie stared hard at Richie, who’s heart was pounding away in his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m ordering for everyone. We just got caught up in the road trip. We- our minds are just trying to protect us. From the trauma.” Mike nodded to himself, surely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan went with him to the counter to order while everyone else gathered themselves together. One of them forgetting was weird but </span>
  <em>
    <span>five</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- I- I forgot- I couldn’t- Geor-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bill! Bill it’s okay!” Richie grabbed his shoulders. “You didn’t forget Georgie. Your brain’s just trying to protect you, like Mike said. It’s real fucked up but you didn’t forget Georgie. Don’t beat yourself up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie patted Bill on the back and glanced nervously up at Richie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie shook his head out of his memories and put his much nicer car into gear, and got ready to drive to the townhouse they were all staying in. He felt bad thinking about leaving Derry. He hated this place, yet it always felt so fundamentally wrong to prepare to leave it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as he threw the car in reverse, he noticed a different car sitting idle in the row behind him. There was a man with curly hair and a pinched expression on his face. It was unmistakably Stan the Man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie parked and was halfway across the parking lot, leaving the car still running and the door left wide open, without a second thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled Stanley’s door open. Stanley recoiled in his seat and grabbed at his heart. He looked at Richie like he was a mad man. It was such a shockingly familiar feeling that Richie couldn’t help but to throw his arms around Stan’s shoulders and hope he didn’t see the tears he was desperately blinking away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought that fucking clown got you, you asshole.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan reached up and patted Richie’s back. “Sorry. Sorry, Richie…  I just don’t know if I can do all of this again. I can’t let you guys down. The whole drive here I went back and forth and before I knew it, I was parked and you were all greeting each other and I can’t live with myself if I let you all down and if someone gets hurt or- hey Eddie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stood up to find Eddie standing at his side. The rest of the Losers were watching apprehensively a few feet away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s Stan, guys!” Eddie called them over and turned his attention back to Stan. “It’s good to see you, man.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Losers gotta stick together, right?” Bill said when he reached them. “I heard part of what you were saying, Stan, and I know how you feel. If we’re together we’re strong though, remember? We’re in this together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stanley nodded stiffly and finally got out of his car to greet everyone else. He gave Bev a big, warm hug and Richie turned his attention to Eddie who was already staring at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do I have something on my face?” A Richie from the past asked and scrubbed his napkin aimlessly around his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” The younger Eddie said. He glanced over to where the rest of the Losers were talking amongst themselves at a blue plastic picnic table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They found the park a ways down the road, none of them eager to eat in the same room as the clown statue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie sat with his back against a wide old tree, Eddie right at his side, watching their friends laugh and joke with each other until he seemed to decide to study Richie’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was weird, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie nodded but didn’t say anything else. He didn’t want to talk or think about clowns. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is nice, though.” Eddie rattled on, a million words a minute. “I think we should take more road trips. Maybe not during the winter, because of road conditions, but after school starts we can go for a long weekend or something. I think we should get out of Derry more often, don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie’s hands started to sweat and he looked away from Eddie. He was a coward. He was a coward for a lot of reasons when it came to Eddie, but the one that was gnawing away at him for the past few months was that he didn’t have the guts to tell him he wouldn’t be there in the fall. He wouldn’t be in Derry once school started. His parents were packing him up and moving out and far away from Maine. He felt sick at the thought of leaving his friends. At leaving Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should tell him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, Eds, maybe I could bring your mom and we can roll around in that field over there together.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie threw his fries down. “Shut up, Trashmouth!” He squealed and stomped over to the rest of their friends. At least he’d have them when Richie fucked off and left them.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Split up. Real fucking brilliant, Mike.” Richie muttered as he trudged back through the Derry Townhouse doors. Splitting up to relive and digest their nightmarish memories that were specially formulated to suit each of their individual clown adjacent trauma was </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> way to spend the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stomped up the stairs in front of Bev and Ben who were eyeing him warily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck this place. I’m leaving.” The gigantic lumberjack loomed in his mind but it was the taunting song that rang in his ears:</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘I know your secret, your dirty little secret.’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fear clawed at the inside of his chest, catching his breath. He wasn’t ready- he didn’t know if he ever could be ready but he couldn’t risk it. He took hits to the stomach, hits in the form of slurs to his heart and backpacks full of shit his whole adolescence with stride as long as the knowledge of what he was, who he looked at and thought of in all of his spare time, everything wrong and dirty, was his and his alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t leave, Rich, wait!” Ben followed him up his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie felt bad as Ben sputtered out excuses for Richie to stay all while Richie threw all of his shit back in his suitcase.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Fine. Sorry, Ben. You know how it is. Fucking crazy here.” Richie’s eyes glazed over the window cracked open in the corner of the room. He felt a strange calm wash over him. He’d leave and then they would all follow suit. They couldn’t do it without him. They were all there the first time and that’s what made it work. He would leave and then they would leave. He wouldn’t have to see Eddie or his stupid wedding ring again. He wouldn’t have to pine over the one person he has ever been really head over heels for anymore. They’d forget each other again and it would be like none of this, none of Derry will have ever happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stanley ducked into the room and closed it quietly behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He eyed Richie shrewdly and opened his mouth but Ben waved the words away. “Hey, Stan. We’re good now. We’re calm, it’s just a lot. Did you get your token? Are you alright?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan ignored Ben and didn’t take his eyes off of Richie. He was always too good at seeing right through him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re acting weird.” Stan the man, blunt as ever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stopped humming along to the song coming through the gas station speakers and frowned over at him. Stan had always been his best friend. He knew Richie in ways the rest of the Losers didn’t. He could see Richie in ways Richie wishes he couldn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean, there, Stannis the menace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t even work, Richie.” Stan rolled his eyes and grabbed a bag of chips to add to their mandatory snack stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not acting peculiar, ol’ chap, I’m just afraid you’re feeling a tad peckish!” Richie bellowed loudly and slapped Stan on the shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed to shake off the moving blues. He couldn’t let it ruin their trip. He’d tell them all when it was time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“British guy? Really? What’s going on, Rich?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really want to know what’s going on?” The rest of the Losers seemed to follow the booming poorly done English voice. Richie wasn’t quite done fine tuning it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been shagging Ed here’s, dear ol’ Mum, I’m afraid.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie shut the hell up, come on.” Eddie grabbed his hand and pulled him to the register. Richie cackled the whole way back to the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get your legs off of the dash, Richie!” Eddie was squealing angrily at full volume just minutes after they were back on the road. “Haven’t you heard of people who put their feet up there and got into an accident? It’s not good. Their knees break and their legs go all the way backwards! So put your feet on the ground like a normal person! </span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie rolled his eyes and swung his legs down from the dash before grinning in the rear view mirror at Stan and picking his legs back up and plopping them right into Eddie’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are sitting totally sideways. That seatbelt is doing nothing for you now, Rich!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s still across my chest. It’s fine. Don’t worry about me Eddie Spaghetti.” He leaned over and turned the radio on, effectively drowning out Eddie’s squabble at the nickname.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh this song is so good!” Ben chimed in excitedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re grown! So Grown!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the car came alive with the song, shouting along excitedly, even Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Now I must say more than ever.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Come on Eileen!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Richie flailed his arms along to the song's dramatics and broke into air guitar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughed at him from the driver’s seat and shook his head, his smile spread wide across his face right in Richie’s direction before he turned back towards the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Too ra loo ra too ra loo rye aye!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all screamed along with the chorus, laughing at their antics and at the over dramatic accent Richie was stoked to be given an excuse to sing with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>These people 'round here</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Were beaten down, eyes sunk in smoke-dried face</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They're resigned to what their fate is</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But not us!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No never!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eddie yelled along, still grinning. He grabbed Richie’s feet with one of his hands for emphasis and Richie felt warm and happy all the way down to his core.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not us!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>He roared again, louder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>No never!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Richie smiled in the rear view mirror at the other four joining in.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We are far too young and clever!” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They sang together until the song ended and the radio went to some old song Richie’s parents would listen to. He turned it down and sighed back into his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That song reminds me of Bev.” Ben said quietly from the back seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Bill smiled over at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe if Eileen was a bit more of a badass.” Stan conceded and the rest of the van burst into laughter but nobody argued against his point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rich, are you sure that map is right? I haven’t seen any signs for Portland for awhile now.” Mike piped up from the back seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie could feel Eddie stiffen and sit up straighter in his seat at that. He turned around and glared at Mike.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mikey. You went over the map </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. It’s just Maine, man. There isn’t shit out here besides trees.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, I’ve seen a few signs for other cities but it’s b-been aw-while since I’ve seen Portland.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced at Bill before turning to Stan. “Stan the man would you mind checking the map?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie, are we lost? We only have a half tank of gas and limited food and water and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie! Eds, we’re fine. Right, Stan?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh.” Stan stammered eloquently. He glanced up from where the map was spread open in front of him and Ben.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It looks like we were supposed to get off of an exit about eighty miles back or so?” Ben finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie gripped the steering wheel so tight that Richie was afraid he’d never be able to peel him off of it. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What!</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’s getting dark, what do we-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie tore the van to the left to dodge debris in the road but Richie could feel the van go over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The entire van was silent, nobody dared to even breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie rolled his window down and within seconds they could hear the tell tale sound of a flat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Richie groaned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie put the hazards on and pulled over. As soon as the car was in park Richie gently pulled his legs back into his own seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie gripped his hair in his hands before sliding them down to cover his face. He screamed into them in frustration.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Eddie yelled, not in Richie’s memories but from down the hall where his own room was. It was impossible to make out what he was saying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben frowned and the three of them looked at each other in question, listening hard. Richie’s heart was in his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beverly called out to Eddie before letting out a blood curdling scream that had Richie moving before he could comprehend it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leapt over his luggage that was still open on the floor and pushed past Stan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie was on the staircase looking up at Bev. He looked past her, and right at Richie. “Bowers is in my room.” Blood poured out of the side of Eddie’s face and down his chin from his mouth. The sight rooted Richie to where he stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike and Ben ran past him and into Eddie's room but Richie ran up to crouch next to Bev once his legs started working again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it bad?” Eddie asked her with a ridiculous half smile </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie wasn’t sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beverly gingerly tried to close the new hole in Eddie’s face and with that Richie was back on his feet. He took the stairs two at a time until he was in Eddie’s bathroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He slid on the blood covered floor and almost fell until Stan grabbed his arm and held him up until he found his feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike was glaring at the window. Richie followed his gaze to see Bowers pull the knife out of his own stomach and jog off to a car parked a few houses away.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How the fuck? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked back downstairs, Bev and Eddie were no longer pressed against the wall on the staircase, but at the bar instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie glanced over at Richie from the barstool he was perched on. Beverly was tending to the stab wound with trembling hands, her face was pinched in concentration and she didn’t spare Richie a second thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bev, let me.” Richie said gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head, “I need to apply pressure to it. It’s- he’s bleeding a lot.” She sounded as scared as Richie felt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He placed one of his hands over her small shaking ones. “Bev. Please.” He said it so quiet he wasn’t sure Eddie could even hear. She looked up at Richie and nodded once, firm. Richie needed to be doing something or he’d go insane. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed him the bloody cloth that he wasted no time pressing back against his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you clean it?” He asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie blinked up at him and huffed out a laugh. “Aw, you </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> listen. Yeah, Richie. She cleaned it really well.” Richie glanced to where Beverly was and realized she had left them all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie just nodded. He couldn’t make himself fake laugh and pretend that Bowers trying to kill Eddie was remotely humorous. He could feel his face darken at the thought of what could have happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edide grabbed his wrist lightly and pulled it away from his face until Richie was forced to look into his big round eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Head wounds bleed a lot. I’m alright, Rich.” He whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I almost left.” It wasn’t what Richie was thinking about but now that he said it the guilt felt like it would crush him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t.” Eddie shrugged. There was nothing more to say about that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie nodded and tried to clear the lump from his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stabbed him in the gut.” Eddie said deadpan, yet somehow quieter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie barked a laugh at that. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>would</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You’re my fucking hero, Kaspbrak.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ow, don’t make me smile, asshole.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Come on! Smile, Eds it’s not so bad!” Richie called over from across the car repair office. Getting a flat tire a good distance in the opposite direction of where they were meant to go was not a good start to their road trip, Richie could admit that. Mission number one was to get Eddie Kaspbrak to breathe and relax a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie was the one who drove the van to the nearest town that was smaller than Derry. Eddie was quiet and frazzled from the whole ordeal but Richie was pretty sure the silence was of embarrassment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think Mikey f-f-found a ho-hotel we can stay at here. We’ll just have to head out again in the m-morning.” Bill said as he walked back in and sat next to Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have a lot of money.” Stanley said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Especially after this.” Eddie grumbled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have enough.” Ben piped up as he walked back in with Mike. “We just got one room with two beds but we’ll make it work. We had some money put away for emergencies like this, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Eds! You’re the one who insisted we saved more,” He went over and practically sat in Eddie’s lap. “So you helped create the chaos today by, you know, driving like a mad man-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shoved him away at that but stayed leaning close with the hint of a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey</span>
  <em>
    <span>-Ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>! But you’re also the one who saved the day so it evens out, right Eds?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t call me that, Trashmouth.” Eddie laughed. He was leaning close enough that his shoulder could rest on Richie’s shoulder if he tried. Richie’s throat dried up. He could feel Stan and Mike’s curious eyes on them but couldn’t make himself lift his burning face up for them to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t going to be the one to pop the happy little bubble they were in. He had limited Eddie time and if he could, he was going to savor every second of Eddie’s leg innocently pressed next to his.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mechanic returned and Mike and Bill hurried over to see what he had to say. Richie knew that he should but he was just glad his parents weren’t called. No need to worry ol’ Maggie and Wentworth and make them never give him van privileges again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’ve got the keys, let’s go.” Eddie jostled Richie back to attention and scrambled out from underneath him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not driving.” He muttered as they reached the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll drive?” Mike offered. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They trudged into the hotel room, all of them too tired to make much conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stared at the two queen beds wearily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are we doing this?” Stan asked, saving Richie the trouble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three to each bed?” Bill shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sleeping in the bed with Richie and Eddie. Richie kicks.” Stan said decidedly and stomped into the bathroom to change for bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how did </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> get roped into this?” Eddie asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We figured you two were going to want to sleep together.” Ben shrugged and started digging in his bag for his pajamas.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie could feel his face grow hot and tried desperately not to show the truth and shame on his face. He tried to make a joke about Eddie’s mom or sleeping together or </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span> to relieve the tension but his tongue refused to work. His silence only made him feel more caught out. They’d know. They would have to see it on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stood frozen in place but everyone continued tiredly getting ready for bed and paid no attention to the panic crawling under his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I call an edge.” Eddie said quietly to Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie looked over but Eddie was picking at a loose string on his matching pajama set. His face was bright red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure Eds.” Richie cleared his throat and started getting himself ready for bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll share a bed with you two.” Ben said and smiled kindly over at them. “If that’s okay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Course it’s okay, New Kid, but Stan the Man wasn’t lying. There’s a very high chance you’ll get kicked sometime in the night.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He watched as Eddie laid out blankets to lay on and cover up with respectively. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t know the last time these blankets were cleaned or what has been on them. Disgusting. There is no way I’m crawling under those covers even if you paid me. Don’t throw that fucking pillow at me Richie, I swear to god. Richie!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they were all situated Richie crawled in the middle, dramatically elbowing and kneeing both of them on his way up the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ow</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Rich you ass. Watch it!” A sweeter sound than any lullaby, truly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I leave you enough room, Richie?” Ben asked nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie flailed around again for the dramatics but winked over at Ben. “More than enough!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goo-Good Night guys.” Bill called softly from the other bed and with a click of the light the room plunged into darkness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie clutched onto Richie’s arm. The air in the room was thick with the unspoken fear. Richie wished he was relieved at not being the only one haunted by the dark years later, but none came. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The light clicked back on but Eddie’s grip didn’t slacken. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why don’t we turn the ba-ba-bath-ba-” Bill gritted his teeth together and slammed his hands down on the comforter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike slipped out of bed and turned the bathroom light on and left the door open. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill turned the lamp back off after Mike was back into the bed. The light spilled into the room making it far less threatening. No signs of clowns or sewers or anything like that summer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie loosened his grip but didn’t let go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good thinking, Big Bill.” Richie cheered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks Trashmouth.” Richie could hear the smile even in the dark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He laid back on the pillows and tried to snuggle closer to Eddie as inconspicuous as possible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie gave one squeeze to Richie’s arm in response. Richie was glad that it was still dim enough that nobody could see him grinning into his pillow like an idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled back onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He wondered how many more nights he’d be able to share with Eddie, with all of the Losers, before he had to say goodbye. How the fuck was he supposed to say goodbye? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hours passed but Richie stayed awake, wracking his brain for any good way to say goodbye to all of his best friends, to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie pulled his arm away with a heavy sigh. Richie could hardly make out him crossing them angrily over his chest out in the dim lighting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay Eds?” He whispered under Mike’s loud snores.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie sighed. “It’s stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie knew the drill and waited for the rant to follow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay so I brought two blankets right? Two of them. And I knew we’d be staying somewhere weird but this hotel is disgusting, did you see in the bathroom, Richie? That looked like mold to me. They clearly don’t clean things very thoroughly and what if there’s bed bugs? I didn’t see any signs of them but you never know. These blankets are contaminated and I don’t want to pack them up and get all of my clothes gross and then have to wear dirty clothes and sleep on dirty gross blankets. I know it’s stupid, Rich. I just- I’ve never really been out of Derry or to a hotel before and they’re worse than what my mom said they’d be like and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie clapped his hand over Eddie’s mouth and paused to see if his rant that started to verge on yelling woke anyone up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The room was filled with even quiet breathing, save for the odd snore. Richie relaxed and moved his hand away. He waited for the scolding but it never came.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” He rolled on his side to face Eddie and was met with large worried eyes looking back at him. “I’m sure it isn’t as dirty as it seems. I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shook his head and closed his eyes. “Let’s just get to sleep. I’m ready to put today behind us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie watched the ebb and flow of Eddie’s chest rising and falling. He was trying to muster up the courage to be brave and reach out when Eddie cracked an eye open and muffled a laugh when Richie jumped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie pulled one of Richie’s arms over close to his chest and wrapped his arms around it. He stared at Richie, unblinking. It was like it was a challenge for Richie to say something, to deny that that’s what he was thinking about doing the entire time he watched him like a creep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie smiled softly back at him and ran his thumb up and down the inch of skin on Eddie’s arm it could reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Night Richie.” He could hardly hear him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight Eds.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie woke up in a tangle of limbs. His arm was trapped under Eddie, still tight between Eddie’s own arms, and Eddie had a leg thrown over one of Richie’s. He was using Richie’s arm as a pillow, with a string of drool smeared against Richie’s bicep. He would be horrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stifled a laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The window behind Eddie was lit with pink and orange light of the rising sun. He watched him sleep for longer than could really be justified. He let out a little gasp at an idea that had to be in the top ten best ideas he’d ever had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds?” He shook him gently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie frowned up at him before sitting and rubbing at his eyes. “What time’s it?” He croaked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stretched his arm out and flexed his numb fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god did I drool on you?” Eddie hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, Eds, shut up I have a great idea!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He crawled over the top of Eddie and rolled onto the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he stood up Eddie was staring at him, pink dusting his cheeks in a way Richie was sure matched his own. Why did he think it was a good idea to literally crawl on top of him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie shook himself off and pulled Eddie to his feet. “Eds. We passed a laundromat on the way here last night! It’s not even a block away!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie I don’t think it’s that weird that a town even this small has a laundromat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie!” Richie groaned exasperatedly. “Your nasty jizz blankets!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie! Do not call my blan-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie put his hands up in surrender. “Hey! Okay! Be quiet! Don’t wake them up!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The other four boys slept on obliviously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie, my blankets are not-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can clean them and you can use them again. You can even clean the clothes you were wearing yesterday if you want and nothing in your bag will get dirty from your blankets.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie gaped at him in awe for several seconds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to go do that, Richie.” He whispered. He looked down and Richie was alarmed to see a storm blow over his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shook his head but didn’t meet Richie’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s stupid. I’m fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie we’re awake before the sun is even up. There’s no way they’re going to be up before eight and you have dirty laundry with a means to clean them </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> by us.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not even actually dirty. It’s just another placebo. I’m just being-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This room is gross. I’ll wash my pajamas and my clothes from yesterday too. We can even tell the guys I spilled coffee all over my shirt if you want. I’ll tell them I shit my pants if you want. It isn’t stupid.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie wrinkled his nose and shoved Richie lightly but Richie could tell he was trying not to smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. Only because you probably </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> shit your pants.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They gathered their clothes and Eddie scribbled out a note for the other Losers in case any of them woke up and saw that they were gone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie swung his legs as he sat on the counter and watched Eddie fill washing machines with his bedding and clothes that he brought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie walked back over, totally straight face and pulled Richie off of the counter and right onto the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wha-Hey!!” Richie yelled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced up at Eddie, who was bent to his knees with the force of his laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have seen your face!” He mimed an over dramatic surprised face before bursting into another bout of laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie smiled up at him. He could feel the cold linoleum through his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The laundromat was empty besides the two of them. Eddie danced a little, his back turned as he walked over to the radio on a table near the back and turned it all the way up. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What I want, you've got</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And it might be hard to handle</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But like the flame that burns the candle</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The candle feeds the flame, yeah yeah”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie pulled himself to his feet and started dancing, all shoulders as he swayed over to Eddie. He grabbed his arms and made him sway along with him as he sang along. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What I've got's full stock of thoughts and dreams that scatter</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You pull them all together</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And how, I can't explain,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh yeah, well well you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You make my dreams come true. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well, well you, </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You make my dreams come true.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie squeezed Richie’s arms back and went over to take a bite of the egg sandwich they got from the gas station. Eddie had screwed his nose up when Richie got back into the car with one for each of them, a strawberry milk for himself and an orange juice for Eddie. Junk food day two was nearly a dealbreaker. It was going to be a long trip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope this doesn’t have any pulp in it.” Eddie jarred him out of his thoughts and inspected the little orange carton. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh Edward,” Richie threw an arm over his forehead. “Whatever do you take me for?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rolled his eyes slowly for show and sighed with a shake of his head. He dropped the helpless maiden voice, “Of course I didn’t get you pulps, Eds.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie just turned away but Richie could tell he was smiling. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Don’t call me that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh you love it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looked back and made eye contact with Richie and shrugged one shoulder casually, as if to say "maybe."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caught off guard, Richie had no chance to school his features into anything besides hopeful surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had to be reading into it all wrong. He couldn't ruin their last summer together by saying something stupid. Eddie didn't mean it like that, no matter how much Richie ached for him to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He coughed out a dry, unconvincing laugh and looked out of the large window to watch the sleepy town wake up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel his ears burn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie turned back to the washers like they needed supervision or would go off and do something crazy, like fall for it's best friend and make everything weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The radio turned to Tears For Fears and of course a song about falling in love did nothing to stop Richie's heart from beating loudly in his ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I wanted to be with you alone</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And talk about the weather</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But traditions I can trace against the child in your face</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Won't escape my attention</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You keep your distance with a system of touch</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And gentle persuasion</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, you're wasting my time</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You're just, just, just wasting time”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie didn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> time to waste. He could be reading this wrong but fuck it, what was a few months of torture before he moved away? The worst case scenario would be having to face Eddie the rest of the road trip and avoiding him until summer was over. But the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best case</span>
  </em>
  <span>- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie jumped up and was to Eddie in three strides. Eddie was humming under his breath and reading the label for the soap inconspicuously, his cheeks bright pink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Eds." Richie breathed out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie startled and turned to look, but Richie couldn't wait any longer. One second more and he'd lose his nerve forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He grabbed Eddie's shoulders and gave a quick little nod before leaning in. The next thing he knew he was kissing Eddie Kaspbrak.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved his lips against Eddie's and a tiny part of him cheered and cried, finally, fucking finally. This was happening. It was real. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bigger part of him couldn't focus past the sweat under his fingertips, and the panic gripping his throat and freezing his chest. He just ruined the relationship he cared most about. Eddie wasn't moving. Maybe Richie could hitchhike home. Maybe he could chalk it all up to a prank or a bet with one of the other guys. Stan would cover for him and be there for when he licked his wounds. There was room in his little closet for Stan to exasperatedly lean in and pat him on the head, right? Why was he </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissing him? He was so stupid!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie's panic attack was put on hold when Eddie seemed to suddenly come to life underneath his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed Richie back. His hands came up to Richie's jaw and he cupped his face as though it was the most fragile and precious thing he'd held. Richie gripped Eddie's face with shaking hands and leaned back with a wobbly grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie smiled back at him. Bright and clear and missing any sign of doubt or disgust that Richie was so sure he'd find. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck." Richie said, and embarrassingly dissolved into tears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Richie?! Hey, Richie, don't cry." Eddie's eyes were wide with panic. "What's-?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fuck, Eddie I never thought I could do that." Richie hiccuped. "And if- if I did-you- I- I never thought you'd-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will make you take a hit off of my inhaler, asshole. Breathe." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie laughed, which only made him cry harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pressed his face into Eddie's shoulder and finally quieted. Eddie rubbed a hand between his shoulders and anchored him, breathing in and out in time with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Something happens and I'm head over heels</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never find out till I'm head over heels</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Something happens and I'm head over heels</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don't, don't, don't throw it away”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie took a deep breath. "I never thought you'd want…" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well I want." Eddie whispered back quietly, but fiercely.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><a href="https://juiceboxjimmy.tumblr.com/post/621055734530162688/something-happens-and-im-head-over-heels-heres"> Stunning art @juiceboxjimmy did! </a> I didn't want to post it before this chapter since it was kind of spoilery. I can't put into words how much I love this art!! Go look at their art and give them some love!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"Asshole, are you listening? Richie, I swear to god." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie snapped his attention back to the present Eddie. His cheek was bandaged up in what had to be the most precise job that Richie had ever done for anything in his entire life. He didn’t know he could </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> that careful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, Eds- Eddie?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie quirked an eyebrow at him and poured them both a drink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you thinking about, Trashmouth? You look like someone kicked your puppy.” He took a drink and then looked over at Richie worriedly. “What’d you see when you got your token, Rich? I heard you thought about leaving.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie’s face burned with shame. “I wouldn’t have. I just hate this fucking town.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie hummed and squeezed Richie’s wrist. The wedding band gleamed at Richie just like it had in the restaurant. It seemed to find any source of light around Richie to shine in his face and mock him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know that. What did It say to you? What happened?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie was quiet for a moment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t actually thinking about that?” He rushed on before Eddie could interrupt him. “I was thinking about the road trip. The one we went on to go see Bev? That last summer, remember?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie let go of his wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course I remember the road trip, Richie.” He said curtly with his shoulders tense. “I might not have remembered it before but-” He stood up and frowned over at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a good trip.” Richie said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughed humorlessly. “I know our memories are fucked but one of us is remembering wrong apparently. Maybe you </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> be thinking about whatever happened with your token instead of a pointless road trip we took when we were teenagers.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Irritation spiked in Richie’s chest. “Wow, thanks Eds. I’d love to spend the little time left of my life to think about a demonic alien spider clown outing me, great idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” It was a pleading voice that Eddie had no right to throw in his face after that last comment. “You’re not going to die.” He tacked on, some of the heat back in his voice. </span>
</p><p><span>“It </span><em><span>wasn’t</span></em> <em><span>pointless</span></em><span>, Eddie.” Richie was angrier than he thought he’d be- than he really had any right to be. </span></p><p>
  <span>Maybe Eddie wouldn’t have held the trip over his head if they didn’t have decades of not remembering each other. Maybe he had some weight to his own anger and it was the guilt that made Richie’s hands tremble. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think I know that?” Eddie hissed and turned to walk away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds, wait. Don’t just leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie whipped back around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t get to say that to me, Richie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie deflated, all of the steam leaving him. He tried to form words but they stuck to the roof of his mouth. He nodded instead and looked at the window over Eddie’s shoulder to avoid eye contact. He could see the library two streets over and smiled to himself knowing Mike was sure to be there, looking into every book he’s probably already read hundreds of times the thirty years he stayed in Derry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The smile slipped from his face when he saw the hunched figure jogging across the library lawn and letting himself in through the back door. It was Bowers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie liked kissing Eddie. Richie liked kissing Eddie a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> and even though it went unspoken that they were going to keep this under wraps and to themselves for the time being, Richie wasn’t sure how he was ever going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> kissing Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie smiled against Richie’s mouth. His melted chocolate eyes met Richie’s. They were warm and soft and didn’t hold anything except for the weight of more fondness Richie’s ever been the target of. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t we start doing this sooner?” Richie groaned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie laughed and shook his head. “We are now, what does it matter?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He came back in and kissed Richie quickly on the mouth. Richie pushed back the guilt and any thoughts of moving to the far back corners of his mind. He was allowed to enjoy this for now. They deserved to enjoy it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dryer buzzed and they startled apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie hurried over to see if they were dry right as Richie looked out the window and saw the other Losers across the street spot Richie and start jogging over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve got company, Spaghetti.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie tried not to catastrophize. They probably didn't see anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie spun around. He looked at Richie helplessly. They didn’t have time to discuss </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. They spent the entire morning sucking face instead of talking and who knew when they’d get another chance to be alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe Richie never gave Eddie the chance to talk himself out of kissing him. Maybe Eddie had time to reflect on how wrong and dirty it was now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well I want</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” replayed in Richie’s mind. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in Eddie’s voice when he said that, staring hard into Richie’s eyes. Richie let himself relax at least a tiny bit. They were both in this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the group spilled into the laundromat noisily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get going already. Why did you guys need a laundromat?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shit my pants.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie shit his pants.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a beat of silence before all hell broke loose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was it when you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>sleeping next to me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Ben’s face paled.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Why are Eddie’s blankets washing too- Richie did you get it on Eddie’s blankets? How are you still alive?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Are you si-sick or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay stop!” Eddie threw his arms out and waited until everyone quieted down. “I’d rather not get into it. It’s all dry so we can just leave.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet we can get to Beverly today!” Ben cheered excitedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to drive.” Eddie declared with a huff. “Stan, maybe you can navigate this time?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Everyone laughed but Stan agreed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before they headed off they made a line at the nearest payphone to check in with their respective parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go last. Hopefully she won't keep me on the line too long.” Eddie bit his lip and glanced meaningfully at Bill. He jerked his head to the side and they huddled together a few feet away in hushed voices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Big Bill and Spaghetti got some secrets?” Richie muttered under his breath to Stan. Ben made an apologetic face at them in the phone booth before turning away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan shook his head. “How do you think Eddie was ever able to come along with us? You know the only family Sonia Kaspbrak doesn’t look down on is the Denbrough’s.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie scoffed but didn’t argue. “So what does she think we’re doing out in the sticks of Maine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike sighed and turned around. “I overheard them talking last week. I think </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinks he’s looking at schools close enough for him to stay living at home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck that.” Richie growled. He started walking over but Stanley grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. “Why do you think he didn’t tell you, Richie? Let him say what he needs to say to appease her for now. We’ll help him when the time actually comes. He has a year before he has to start really worrying about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie couldn’t whine and complain that he wouldn’t be here to stop her from keeping him in her clutches. He would be on the other side of the country. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Mike chimed in. “Losers stick together, Rich. We love each other and are here for each other. We, uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>accept</span>
  </em>
  <span> each other.” </span>
</p><p><em><span>Oh</span></em> <em><span>fuck</span></em><span>, he saw. Mike knew. One glance at the constipated face Stan was making was all it took to realize they both saw. </span></p><p>
  <span>Richie grappled for something to say or do. Panic gripped his heart as he thought of Derry and the kind of people that lived there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not easy being different in Derry.” Mike whispered, reading his face. “Good thing I’ve got all of you guys when things are hard.” It was pointed and too much for Richie to address. He nodded dumbly and got back in line. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your turn.” Ben smiled as he ducked out of the booth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie crammed into the booth, already getting too gangly and tall for it. He was all elbows as he dialed his home number. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tozier residence.” His mother chirped into the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello is this a Maggie Tozier? This is the FBI. You’ve been charged with giving your son an insufficient and really lame vehicle. We’ll need to take you away right away.” He said in a deep, gruff voice. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Oh no Officer, you can just keep my son instead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Insufficient better not mean you wrecked my minivan, Richard.” She warned but Richie could hear the smirk in her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a flat tire. It’s all patched up now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hummed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s your road trip?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie looked out at his friends. Ben was talking excitedly to Bill, while Mike and Stan seemed to be in some sort of casual discussion Richie prayed wasn’t about him. Eddie was last in the line staring right at Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shot him a small smile before flipping him off and making a dramatic face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie coughed a laugh and turned his back to them to listen to his mother better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s going good. We went the wrong way-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-But we’re turned around and on the right track now. Gotta make all the parental calls. Keep Mrs. K’s head from exploding and all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hummed again and hesitated. It wasn’t like her to keep him on the line with nothing to say. She was a blunt and to the point kind of woman and the longer she hummed and hawed the more Richie’s back began to sweat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom. What aren’t you telling me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool the attitude, Mister.” She said before sighing. “I have some news.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Richie’s turn to hum in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your father got that job he was going for. They want to set up his practice. They really loved him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay…” Richie knew all of this already, and he didn’t particularly want to hear about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> liked him, Richie. He has to start- we’re moving at the end of the week.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel his heart drop through the bottom of his stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You still have your trip and everything. We’ll pack up most of the house and leave a few days after you get back. I’m going to have to start packing your room-</span>
  <em>
    <span> don’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>interrupt</span>
  <em>
    <span> and don’t argue with me</span>
  </em>
  <span>! I’m going to start packing up your room </span>
  <em>
    <span>last</span>
  </em>
  <span> so keep that in mind before you start yelling at me. We can have a truce before I even see how disgusting it is in there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mom.” Richie's voice was thick and he was instantly embarrassed and angry at how obvious it was that he was close to tears. He could just hear her breathing and thinking, but he knew there wasn’t anything she could do to change anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enjoy your road trip, Rich.” She finally said softly and hung up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well that’s where he got his running from confrontation from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took a few deep breaths before he hung up the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the Loser’s took their turns in the phone booth and managed to break Eddie away from his mother’s grip even through the phone before they ran completely out of money.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now, Richie wearily watched Bill push his graying hair back with a trembling hand.</span>
</p><p><span>They somehow made it to the well with no casualties. Sure, a spider crab thing with Stan’s head nearly chowed down on Richie’s skull for dinner, and Pennywise practiced his jack-o-lantern skills on Ben’s abs, but </span><em><span>besides</span></em> <em><span>that</span></em><span> everything had gone swimmingly. </span></p><p>
  <span>“You alright, Rich?” Mike bumped their shoulders together and frowned. “I just wanted to say thank yo-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not ready to be thanked for murdering a guy, Mikey.” Richie said weakly. He squeezed his shoulder and pushed all the thoughts of Bowers and the weight of the axe in his hands to the back of his mind. They could just stay back there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard not to call Patty. Before we go down there.” Stan whispered. His face was as white as a sheet and he was avoiding any eye contact ever since the spider-Stan launched it’s attack on all of them, raving about bathtubs and razors and deep, dark things that Richie couldn’t handle thinking about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you’re here, Stan.” He said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan made a face. “I hate this damn clown.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it would be harder to go down into the sewers after talking to her. It’s not really the right time, is it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan looked over Richie’s shoulder at Eddie who was still rigid in the corner, face twisted with guilt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe now is the time. Maybe it’s never the right time so I should take what I have.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked back at Richie dryly. </span>
</p><p><span>“Yeah? Well maybe Eddie should call </span><em><span>his</span></em> <em><span>wife</span></em><span> too, then?”  He bit out far more bitter and hostile than he meant to. </span></p><p>
  <span>Stan shook his head. “You didn’t see him after you moved-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Stop.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Richie took a breath. “Stan, leave it. Please?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike clapped Richie on the back and walked over to the rest of the group. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan stared at Richie with a hurt pinched expression on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” Richie said, softer. He couldn’t think about Eddie after he left Derry or why now would be the time to share things with each other. He’d never go down that well if he let his thoughts linger any longer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan made no move to grab his phone before shimmying down after Bill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They traveled through endless tunnels of the sewer, twisting and turning and seemingly going in circles until it opened up to a sea of graywater, a little island of land in the middle. Richie’s heart sunk. That was definitely where they were supposed to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They waded across the sewage. Richie could hear Eddie occasionally gag and some of the others groan and mutter under their breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beverly gasped and let out a scream. Richie spun around just in time to see Bev go under. He could see Ben and Bill disappear under water. He dove under after her and grabbed blindly in the filthy murky water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five of them submerged. Stan was staring at them halfway back into the water towards them. Eddie was up on the land holding himself and not meeting anyone’s eyes. He looked defeated and part of Richie wanted to get up in Bill’s face about getting into Eddie’s back in the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is it.” Mike started going on about rituals and clowns, tokens and whatever the hell else he spent twenty seven years reading crazy books on. Richie should have been listening but he couldn’t focus past Eddie’s distraught face. They started single handedly climbing down through the entrance to the lair. Bev stopped when Eddie let out a frustrated noise. It was just the three of them left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do it. You saw me up there, Rich. I can’t do it. I’m- I’m going to get us killed. I almost let you die. I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie couldn’t listen to Eddie tear himself down any longer. One weak moment didn’t eliminate years upon years of moments that made Richie admire all that Eddie Kaspbrak was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” Richie grabbed Eddie’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Who killed a clown when he wasn’t even fourteen?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.” Eddie sighed reluctantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who took a knife out of his own face to stab Bowers?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Also me.” But Eddie still didn’t meet his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie kept pushing until Eddie looked up at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are braver than you think.” Richie made sure that Eddie believed him. That Eddie knew that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie</span>
  </em>
  <span> believed it wholeheartedly without a doubt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie stared back and Richie felt like someone had swiped his feet out from underneath him. God, how did he still love Eddie Kaspbrak after thirty years of amnesia and internalized homophobia? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s warm eyes were soft but unwavering. “Thanks, Rich.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are so welcome, Eddie Spaghetti. You’re never gonna think of a name!” Richie howled from the passenger seat of the beat up van.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay enough car games! Let’s listen to the radio!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie smirked over at Eddie victoriously. “You just can’t think of a name that starts with a U!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie scoffed. “Stu is just short for Stuart, Richie. You’re cheating anyway!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am not!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys! The radio sounds like a great idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie smiled at Stan in the rear view mirror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Stan not a real name then? Huh, Ed</span>
  <em>
    <span>ward</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beep beep Richie, just turn the damn music on!” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pressure: pushing down on me,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Pressing down on you, no man ask for.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boys all beamed at each other and shouted along. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Under pressure! That burns a building down,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Splits a family in two,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Puts people on streets!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie smiled and beamed at his friends all around him. It was rare to have all of them, Ben and Stan included, singing along at the top of their lungs. How could you not be with Queen and David Bowie, though? </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That's the terror of knowing</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What this world is about.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Watching some good friends screaming,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Let me out!’”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Richie’s hair stood up on the back of his neck at that part of the song, and he could see Bill glance up nervously in the rear view mirror. Eddie grabbed his arm where the bone broke a few summers ago. Richie couldn’t remember how. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The energy in the van felt suddenly stifled and he couldn’t for the life of him understand why.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Keep coming up with love but it’s so thrashed and torn.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The moment passed as quickly as it came over them, and none of them seemed keen to mention it. </span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Love! Love! Love! Love Love!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Richie let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, plopped his feet back into Eddie’s lap where they belonged and revelled in the comfort of it all. The breeze from his cracked window was growing cooler and cooler, a sure sign they were getting closer to the coast, and to Bev. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Insanity laughs, under pressure we’re cracking!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The van all joined back in and chanted the climax of the song together. Bill was roaring along in Richie’s ear, without a single stutter, and Ben was laughing at Stan and Mike overdramatically singing at each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why can’t we give love that one more chance? Why can’t we give love, give love, give love, give love-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie stared right into Richie’s eyes and sang along, no care in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie’s smile dimmed when it got to the end of the song and the lyrics hit him like a train. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And love dares you to care for the people on the edge of the night,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And love dares you to change our way of caring about ourselves.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is our last dance.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is our last dance.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is ourselves.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Under pressure.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let me out! Pull over, I’m gonna be sick!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie had only just gotten the van to a full stop when Richie jumped out and dry heaved on the side of the road. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You alright, Rich? I told you those gas station sandwiches would give us food poisoning! I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.” Eddie was patting Richie’s back softly and shaking his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it’s just being in the car for so long. It passed, I’m fine.” Richie stood up straight and held his hands up in surrender. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie’s hand fell away but Richie’s back still burned hot through his shirt at where it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re almost there, Rich.” Stanley said. There was an impatient undertone but it wasn’t unkind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need to stop?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rich looked over at Ben. It was clear as day he couldn’t wait to see Beverly again. He was quiet about it but Richie knew they were all excited to see her again but Ben was craving it in a way the others weren’t, but he understood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ben watched him wearily with wide, concerned eyes. Richie knew Ben would agree to wait all day with him if he was asked to. Ben Hanscom was too damn </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’ll be back in the van in just a second, I just need some air.” Richie tried to smile over at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, if you’re sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He stared down at his feet and listened to the others climb back into the van. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see a pair of worn sneakers that were somehow inexplicably clean still by his side. He didn’t look up.  “I’m fine now.” He muttered and hurried to climb back into his seat without looking up at Eddie. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The ritual didn’t even kind of work. Richie tried to believe that it would. Something rooted in the child in him told him if he just believed enough it would work. Like clapping the fairies back to life in Peter Pan. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second he saw the red balloon blooming out where the fire had been he knew. They were fucked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pennywise cackled as he taunted Mike. Mike, who looked so distraught and defeated. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Richie felt for him even through the underlying rage of scribbled out depictions of the past and ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>you lied to us again!’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>running through his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all scattered in different directions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie turned to run down a tunnel and let out a breath of relief when Eddie turned and ran at his side with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Portland! We’re here!” Mike shouted excitedly and pointed at the big green sign. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie turned the music down. “Okay, Bill do you have her address? Where do I go from here?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have it written down, hang on.” Ben fumbled in his bag at his feet and pulled out a piece of paper Richie could barely make out the scrawling on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan furrowed his brow and pulled the map he had handy to study. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This will be easier if I’m up front.” He griped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie pulled his legs out of Eddie’s lap and unbuckled his seat belt before Eddie had the chance to pull over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ignored Eddie’s shrieks of disapproval and dove face first in the back seat, revelling in his friend’s exasperated groans as he pushed his way to the back, all elbows and knees the entire way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan pushed past him shaking his head the entire way to plopping into the passenger seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They turned out to be fairly close to Bev’s home and were parked across the street from the home with the van quietly idling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now what?” Mike asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie snorted. “Now we march up there and go see Miss Beverly Marsh!” He shouted in his best ‘army general voice.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody moved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I- it’s weird she st-stopped calling, right?” Bill stammered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bill we drove all the way out here. We have to at least show our faces.” Stan said as he turned around in his seat. Though he didn’t look convinced and Eddie chewed on his lip nervously beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What if she stopped calling because she doesn’t want to talk to us anymore?” Ben didn’t meet any of their eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence until Richie couldn’t stand it anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He unbuckled his seat belt and clambored to the sliding door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hopped onto the asphalt and peered back at his friends. “Alright well I’ll bring her to all of </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> then. And she can apologize for blowing us all off but we’re not coming out here and not seeing her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sighed and stomped away from the van without looking back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time he rang the doorbell he was feeling far less confident but could feel five sets of eyes on his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would just explain to Bev’s aunt they were all good friends in Derry and were traveling through and wanted to see her. Not too pushy but pushy enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was just running through what voice would be the most charming when the door cracked open and a familiar face framed by an orange flame of hair blinked at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hello?” She asked in Bev’s voice. But it was cautious and unfamiliar and it felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Richie was suddenly glad he came up here by himself and didn’t drag Bill or Ben with him if she was about to tell them all to get lost. Better him than them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, hello Miss, I’m looking for Molly Ringwald? Have you seen her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Recognition dawned on her face and lit her eyes up. She broke into a wide smile. “Trashmouth!?” She darted forward before he could answer and wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. Her hair smelled like perfume and stolen cigarettes. Richie smiled into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” She asked as she pulled back and stared at him. “It’s been so long! I-” She stopped and stared over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey guys!” she beamed at the rest of their friends making their way over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They skipped pleasantries completely and all dog piled onto her and engulfed her in one big group hug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Losers Club reunited!” Bill exclaimed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you all doing here?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“We came to see you.” Ben said quietly. “We didn’t hear from you and we missed you.” He looked up at her earnestly. Richie glanced at Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, thanks, New Kid.” She elbowed him and grinned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They followed her into the house and sat around the cozy living room, squeezed together in piles on the furniture. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have any of you ever left Derry before?” She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gone to Bangor with my parents. I have an aunt that lives there.” Bill shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did before I was the New Kid.” Ben jokes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinked at the rest of them. “Alright. Today’s been decided. Let me leave a note and we’ll be on our way.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where?” Eddie asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know it’s no old quarry, but do you guys want to go swim in the ocean?” </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie parked the van further away than he would have liked at everyone else’s insistence he’d get it stuck in the sand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He groaned through an armful of beach towels Bev gathered for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We wouldn’t have to lug </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the towels and </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of the food and </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> else so far if you would have just let-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beep Beep Richie.” Stan rolled his eyes over the bag he was carrying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sand was scalding hot on the soles of Richie’s feet. He tried to soak it in as much as he could while subtly hopping from one foot to the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you to wait until the water to take your shoes off.” Eddie rolled his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They finally reached where the waves were crashing into the earth. Richie threw the towels he was holding onto the ground and ran into the water without hesitation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The shock of the cold water up his ankles stole his breath away. The rest of the Losers all jeered and laughed at his expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get back over here and get sunscreen on, Rich.” Eddie dug through the bag he brought down with him, no doubt full of sunscreen and a plethora of first aid items. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie reluctantly drug himself out of the water and back up to the shore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tugged his shirt over his head and immediately felt self conscious. He blinked up at Eddie who’s face had gone pink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was stupid, really. They’d seen each other with their shirts off or even in their underwear more times than Richie could count but now it just felt different. Richie hoped none of the other Losers noticed the stilted, blushing silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie's hands on his back made him feel the same squirmy feeling in his gut as it always had, only this time the edge of pining quietly, of feeling dirty and wrong, didn't cut him. He was well aware his feelings were reciprocated and it made his skin burn hot under the sun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie made fast work of hastily rubbing it into Richie's back, clearly thinking along the same lines.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Race you to the water!" Bev shouted and ran past all of them gleefully. Eddie shoved Richie to the side but let his touch linger down Richie's arm before he took off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie splashed after him and promptly dove on top of him to dunk under water. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie! Do you know how much salt water I just ingested? Do you know what all could </span>
  <em>
    <span>be in the ocean</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Eddie howled but Richie didn’t miss the way the corners of his mouth turned up in a mischievous grin when he swiped Richie’s legs out from under him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan cackled and splashed them both and then they all joined in splashing each other. The next few hours flew by with the seven of them acting just like they had at thirteen, without a care in the world yet so much looming over their shoulders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Riche lounged back on a towel on the beach. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch his friends. Most of them were still in the water, while Ben and Bev worked on making a ridiculously intricate sand castle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being alarmingly quiet.” Eddie said as he walked up from the water. He stood over Richie, dripping water all over his dry clothes with a self satisfied smirk. He was such a little shit. </span>
  <em>
    <span>God,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Richie loved him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Move over.” Eddie plopped down half on Richie’s lap, half on the sliver of towel Richie could free up for him. He was soaking wet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not being quiet,” Richie started hotly. “I’m just-” He stared out at their friends and revelled in the laughter that carried over the waves. “Just enjoying this,” He finished quietly, and far too sincerely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie made a soft noise of agreement at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plus,” Richie started, his face already going hot, “I did have a pretty sweet view until a few minutes ago.” He elbowed Eddie gently and shot him a weak smile. It felt like too much to say out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie threw his head back and cackled, his cheeks dusted pink. “Smooth.” He whispered with a wide smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat quietly watching their friends. One of Eddie’s legs was draped over Richie’s and the towel they were on, as well as Richie, were all soaking wet, though Richie didn’t know if he’d ever felt as comfortable and at peace before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sun’s going down.” Eddie said after a while. “You don’t think they’re going to keep swimming once it’s dark, do you?” Richie could hear the underlying worry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” He cupped his mouth with his hands, “Let’s go get something to eat!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all dried off and piled into the van Richie begrudgingly hoped didn’t smell too much like ocean water for its cross country trip to California next week, and Bev directed them to a small burger joint. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re getting yours without all the good stuff, Big Bill? Pickles and onions are the best part of a burger!” Richie teased. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get onions on your burger.” Eddie muttered, and Richie was brought up short. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could see Stan’s eyebrows disappear into his hair. He smirked and opened his mouth but Richie just shook his sure to be bright red face once quickly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan thankfully clamped his mouth shut and just snorted a laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat along a picnic table outside and dug into their dinner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the best road trip. We have to do this every summer.” Mike said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was shouted agreement, Richie stared down at his basket of fries and tried to ignore the twist of guilt in his gut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I ha-ha-have something to sa-say.” Bill stammered quietly. “I’m sorry I di-didn’t tell you sooner. My family is mo-moving to Bang-Bangor.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table fell silent. “What? When?” Stan asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The ne-new yea-year.” Bill said glumly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long have you known?” Eddie snapped. Richie felt like his chest was going to crumble at the look of rage on Eddie’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you find out, Bill?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sor-sorry Eddie. For a mo-month now.” He admitted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Bill. We’ll just have to pick you up next year on the way here.” Ben cut in determinedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My parents just ca-ca-can’t.” Bill took a deep breath and shook his head. “They can’t stay in Derry anymore. They tried but couldn't after Geor-Georgie.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The table fell silent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie swallowed a lump in his throat. It was now or never. He couldn’t undo all of the times he hadn’t told them yet and the longer it went the angrier Eddie would be. He wanted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Eddie to not spend the rest of their time together hating him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys.” He choked out and cleared his throat. “I have news, too. My, uh, my parents are making me move. I didn’t know how to tell you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could feel Eddie go rigid next to him. Nobody said anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie made himself look up at his friends who were all looking at him. All but Eddie who was glaring down at the table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorr-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess we have to make a Trashmouth pit stop next year too.” Mike said softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie shook his head and blinked back the tears budding in his eyes. “We’re moving to- he’s opening a practice in LA.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev reached across the table and squeezed his hand. It was more than he deserved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>When</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” There he was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie closed his eyes and pulled his hand back. “I’ve known for a while, it’s been like three months. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I know.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” He tacked on guiltily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Richie. When? When are you moving? Why didn’t you thi-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next week.” Richie opened his eyes and looked over at Eddie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked at Richie with wide eyes filled with angry tears. “Are you kidding me?” He bit out. “You’re such an </span>
  <em>
    <span>asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” He shoved Richie in the chest and climbed out of the bench. Richie could see him practically vibrating with rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrenched his mouth open at Richie before shaking his head and stomping away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for stealing your moment, Bill.” Richie joked weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill shot him a sympathetic smile and shrug before jogging after Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Richie</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Stan started quietly but Richie shook his head and shoved his head in his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Stan.” He didn’t need to hear how badly he fucked this one up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This was really stupid of you." Stan said quietly after letting Richie mope in silence for several minutes. "But I can't say I would have had any better answers."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie looked up at that and was surprised to find Stan next to him and the two of them alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stanley was staring hard at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm mad, too." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie deflated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm mad too because I'm going to miss you, Trashmouth." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll miss you, too, Stan the Man. But I'll call! And save up money to visit, or you can all visit me and we can go to Disneyland or something!" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't see Eddie at Disneyland." Stan laughed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie slumped forward with a sigh. "I fucked it all up with him, Stan." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan patted him on the back. "Yeah, it wasn't great timing honestl-"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You didn't fuck anything up." Eddie walked up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Just stop. Shut up and stop talking about it and eat your burger." Richie's eyes locked in on his red, wet eyes and the inhaler clutched tightly in his hand instead of in his things in the back of the van. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Eds‐"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't call me that." he bit out and slid back in beside him, somehow closer than before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie ran the back of his hand along Eddie's and sighed with relief when Eddie flipped his hand over and laced their fingers together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie squeezed once. Tight. Then he pulled his hand away and put it on his own lap and turned his body away from Richie, and towards Mike and delved into some mundane conversation Richie couldn’t force himself to follow. He glanced at the rest of the Losers who sat back at the table, all of them staring eagerly at Mike, clearly wanting the tension to be over, except for good ol’ Stan who was staring right back at him.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Richie's hand itched to grab at Eddie's as they ran through the winding maze of tunnels under Derry. He could hear their friends shouts echoing off of the grimy stone walls. He glanced back and caught just a glance at the snapping claw pursuing them before Eddie pushed between his shoulders immediately. "Come on!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They took a sharp left and reached a dead end with three doors Richie recognized immediately. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"Scary.” "Very Scary." "Not Scary At All." </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His blood turned to ice in his veins as images of thirteen year old Eddie calling for his and Bill's help before spitting up a sea of black blood flashed to the front of his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dammit.” Eddie nodded his head to the side after a short pause, “Alright, not scary at all.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“No!” Richie grabbed his arm and pulled him back. He could hear the barbed claw struggling to reach them but focused on Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a trap! It’s trying to trick us, trust me!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie watched him wearily but didn’t take much convincing otherwise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie pulled the door open cautiously. He was all too well of Eddie peering over his shoulder at the vast darkness the door opened too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie pulled the lightswitch with bated breath. The light flickered on and he stood back and frowned. It was a fucking closet. Richie ground his teeth together. That fucking clown couldn’t miss any opportunity to fuck with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It seemed like the coast was clear until he heard the slapping of Betty Rimson’s feet hit the ground as her lower half bounded through the clothes towards them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They screamed and Richie threw the door shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They scrambled over each other to get to the Not Scary At All door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was only a few minutes later they were slamming that door shut as well, in the face of a monster dog creature. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look it’s gone, let’s go-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t trust it, let’s go regular scary!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They wrenched the door open together. Richie felt Eddie tense up at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A different, younger version of Eddie Kaspbrak was standing in the middle of an empty laundromat humming along to Tears for Fears and looking at his laundry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie felt woozy on his feet. He’d recognize that one laundromat from No-Where, Maine, anywhere. It was a memory and felt so powerful and so heavy Richie is sure it would have jogged all of his memories if he had seen it in the past twenty seven years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced over at Eddie, grown Eddie, despite himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie was staring over at the younger Richie with huge sad eyes. He looked back at Richie before Richie could pretend he wasn’t watching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t like this, we should go.” Richie’s voice came out strangled and choked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie opened his mouth, but before he could reply Teenage Richie was at Eddie and they were kissing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stared at his own tensed shoulders and trembling hands. God, he was such a brave fucking kid. He sagged with the revelation of that being the last moment in his life he truly just </span>
  <em>
    <span>went</span>
  </em>
  <span> for it. What would younger Richie say to sad, closeted fourty year old Richie?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rich,” Eddie started again but their younger selves broke apart roughly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie was panting and he shoved at Richie’s shoulders a second time. “What the fuck? Ah, that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>disgusting, Richie!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie felt his heart start to race. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? That’s not what happened. Rich- It’s fucking with us, come on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how many people die from AIDS, Richie? Are you </span>
  <em>
    <span>gay</span>
  </em>
  <span>!?” He spat on the ground and rubbed at his tongue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie, Real Eddie, grabbed Richie’s shoulders and turned him away from the scene. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not real, you know that’s not what happened, Richie.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“But you thought it, and then you went and married a woman, didn’t you?” Younger Eddie piped up. Richie tried to turn his head towards him but Eddie pulled him back by his chin. He shook his head angrily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never fucking thought that.” Eddie spat viciously. “You hear me? I-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When are you moving?” They looked back and they were no longer in the laundromat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next week.” Richie said in a defeated voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie couldn’t look at Eddie this time. How did a night from so long ago that he forgot half his life still hurt so much?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wish it was sooner.” Richie looked up and rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, let’s go. This door is fucking awful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re too much, Eddie. It’s too much with you and your </span>
  <em>
    <span>mom</span>
  </em>
  <span> and with everything that’s wrong with you. I have to move. I wish LA was </span>
  <em>
    <span>further</span>
  </em>
  <span> away. You think I’d really like you? You think hypochondriac kids with mommy issues really get me going?” He laughed but it wasn’t his own. “Seeing you suck on your inhaler </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> does it for me, is that what you really think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie spun the real Eddie around. He could hear the younger Eddie crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bye Ma!” They looked back and it had changed again. Eddie sprinted out his old front door, the screen door swinging shut loudly behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran down the road and slowed to a brisk walk once he was out of sight from his house. He was clearly headed towards the Tozier residence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop. Let’s go, now.” Eddie’s voice was hard in his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Why?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie!” A younger Bill and Stan stood in front of Richie’s childhood home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, when did you see Richie last?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie’s heart sunk. He didn’t want to see this, but he couldn’t move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last night?” Eddie slowed to a stop and Richie could see the understanding on his hardened face. “He’s gone?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan nodded. It looked like he had been crying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He just left without telling anyone? Two days early?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“May-maybe he couldn’t con-control it?” Bill suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He was acting weird all day yesterday. He knew.” Stanley muttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie put his face in his hands and sat on the steps Richie used to jump off of every morning.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie.” Richie started in a broken voice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richard, come on already. You’ve had plenty of time, now we need to go!”  The scene changed to Maggie Tozier was ushering Richie into the moving van. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie sat crumpled in the tiny back seat of the van as they drove away from Derry. His long legs folded close to his body in an awkward way that couldn’t be safe, or comfortable. He folded his arms and pressed his face into them, his glasses pushed up on his forehead as his back shook with little silent sobs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slammed shut, and Eddie took a shaky breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck this fucking clown.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie laughed wetly and nodded in agreement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look! It’s gone! Let’s go!” They spun around and ran back down the tunnel towards the clearing in total silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They ran out of the tunnel and it happened before Richie knew it was happening. Their friends were scattered and the clown was on </span>
  <span>Mike. Richie heard himself shout as he felt the rock fly through the air from his outstretched hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything went bright and he was vaguely aware of his feet leaving the ground before he was aware of nothing at all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was so much blood. He could see it everywhere he looked, all over Bev and Ben, pooling around Mike and Bill, drained from Stan in a way that made Richie’s gut knot together knowingly. Eddie’s wide eyes were above him, blinking frantically and searching his face. He looked satisfied and proud in a way Richie hadn’t seen it be with all of the worry lines and creases. His eyes widened a fraction in panic, in pain. Blood was on Richie’s face, warm and sticky and straight from the gaping wound in Eddie’s chest where a barbed claw had pierced him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eds!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Eddie looked at him helplessly before being tugged away and tossed around the cavern. Shish Kabobed like some kind of awful joke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There wasn’t any coming back from an injury that was your entire chest cavity. Richie knew that. He knew without a doubt, as much as he tried to ignore the fact and knowledge that Eddie Kaspbrak was a dead man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All around him everything was still shrouded in blood, everywhere he looked. He could smell it now, the copper scent stinging his nose, and he could feel the wet sticky texture stick to his skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything stopped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t see or smell anything but he could feel. He could feel two shaking hands on either side of his face and lips so familiar that he didn’t know how he’d ever forgotten them, pressed hard against his own, kissing him impossibly soft and sweet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled back and stared blearily through his tears at Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rich!" Eddie choked off with a smile. “I think I did it! I think I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie grabbed Eddie and pulled him close before rolling away just as a claw plowed into the ground where they just were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Woah, come on, Rich!” Eddie grabbed his hand and took off running until the ducked into a crevice the clown couldn’t squeeze through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the Losers ducked in behind them but Richie ignored them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie swatted Eddie’s hands away and patted his chest frantically. There wasn’t even a scratch. He was okay. Eddie was fine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay, Rich?” Bev threw her arms around him and squeezed. He was baffled for a minute. Why was she asking him when nothing had happened to him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The </span>
  <em>
    <span>deadlights</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He shivered. She pulled away and gave him a knowing look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched in a sort of detached daze as Eddie chopped his hands together aggressively as he recalled making the leper smaller. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ran out with his friends and tore into the clown with the plan in place. Make It small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie shook his head to clear it as he watched their plan fall apart. He was torn from feeling elated about Eddie by his side in one piece and haunted by the visions that were all too real of each of them dying. He could still smell the blood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” Mike yelled as It scuttled up at them menacingly. “There’s more than one way to make it small! Make it feel small! Hey! You’re just a clown!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pennywise stuttered to a stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a weak old woman!” Bev added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A headless boy!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an imposter!” Bill yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A fucking bully!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re just a clown!” Stan cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie ached for the pain they’d experienced, for Georgie, for all of them as scared thirteen year olds with the world on their shoulders, he ached for all of the time they were robbed of and for every single time Pennywise hurt his friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a dumb fucking clown!” He roared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They backed it into a corner all chanting and hurling insults at the monster that haunted their lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m an Eater of Worlds!” It protested, but Richie could see it quiver back against the wall. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>This clown had taken so much from him already. It robbed him of the family he chose at such a young age. He glanced at Eddie. It had almost robbed him of more, taken more than Richie thought he would have been able to handle. He tore off the arm that pierced through Eddie in the deadlights. He ignored his friend’s startled glances and kept yelling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They crushed It’s heart and watched It die––really die this time. The curse, the burden that had been on his and his friend’s shoulders since they were only children was finally gone. He knew they had carried that burden all this time, even if they hadn’t known the entirety of it. He felt bowled over with the empowerment of the pure, sweet freedom they finally had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s collapsing!” Bill yelled over the debris falling around them, “Let’s get out of here!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get out of he-here!” A younger Bill beamed at the rest of them. It was early the next morning and nobody had attempted to talk to Richie about moving after they got back from dinner the night before. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half of them had slept in the living room sprawled on the couches and recliners, half of them had piled into the guest room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev’s aunt was cool, but put her foot down with any of them staying in her room with her. They relented any protests when she busted out the blender to make them milkshakes at a quarter to midnight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie thought they would have all tried to squeeze onto the mattress regardless, otherwise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He blinked up at Bill and tried to make himself at least seem excited for the day. They had to drive home later that afternoon and he didn’t want to ruin their time with Bev by moping.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie had been quick to claim the bedroom with Ben and Bill, clearly trying to avoid anything that could resemble alone time with Richie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He screwed his eyes shut and tried his best disappearing act.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev sighed some time later.  “Are you awake, Trashmouth?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie stretched and sat up from the lumpy brown couch he failed to just disappear into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m up. Is everyone else?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My aunt is going to make us pancakes but we needed more eggs. Eddie offered to go grab more and I think everyone else went with.” She stared at him closely. “Want to come sit outside with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie nodded and followed her out the back door to sit on the worn wooden steps. The white paint had been chipped away by time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled two cigarettes out and handed one to him. He lit it and inhaled deeply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are they all mad at me?” He exhaled exasperatedly, tendrils of smoke rolling from between his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev took a drag and sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richie,” She started before letting her breath out. “I think that it had to be torture to go on this trip and keep that in and even </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell them. They’re upset but they’re only upset because they love you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie found himself blinking frantically and looking away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not such a big deal, right? Look at us right now, it’s like no time has passed. Plus they’ll all be out of Derry soon enough there’s only a few years left of school and then we’ll all meet up </span>
  <em>
    <span>all the time</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She nudged his shoulder with a smirk. “Come on, we have to go see those California beaches, right? Shit, I bet at least half of us will move out there too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie laughed and he was relieved to find it came easily. “I’ll start looking for seven bedroom apartments once I’m out there.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She threw her head back and laughed. “Better start keeping an eye out now.” She nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neither of them brought up the fact that she had no idea who he was the day before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is why we should have never given Richie syrup. Do you have any idea how much sugar that is? Laugh it up, Bev, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t have to be stuck in a car with him for three hours later!” Eddie squawked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie, who had decided to reenact every part of the movie they had watched last night, dropped back into his seat. His face hurt from smiling. He sat the right way and refastened his seatbelt before Eddie could scold him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were on their way to an outlook Bev said they had to see. They had a hard time trying to decide how to spend the rest of the limited amount of it they had in Portland, but when Bev said it was her favorite place in Maine they had to check it out. Ben even promised to come back with supplies and help her make their very own Portland clubhouse to match the one in Derry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie smiled over at Eddie, grateful for the sense of normal that washed over them since they returned with the eggs that morning. Still, nobody said a word and he didn’t dare plop his feet back into Eddie’s lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s listen to some tunes!” Richie shouted in his best old timey New York voice that had the rest of the van groaning. It did need some work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The beginnings of a song from a few years ago filled the van. Stan snorted as Bev pretended to interpretive dance to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You and I in a little toy shop</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie felt his throat tighten with a fear he couldn’t put a name to. Bev stopped dancing and Eddie gripped the steering wheel tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Set them free at the break of dawn</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Till one by one they were gone</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Back at base, bugs in the software</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Flash the message, ‘Something's out there’”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tu-tu-turn it o-off.” Bill muttered. Richie turned around in his seat to see matching grim expressions on all of his friend’s faces. Stanley had a tinge of green to his cheeks and was wringing his hands together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> this song?” Richie whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike shook his head. “I don’t know what it is but don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> tha-”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Floating in the summer sky</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>99 red balloons go by”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like someone poured ice water down Richie’s back. The clown. The fucking clown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev let out a startled scream. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bill clambered out of his seat and tried to reach the stereo. Ben grabbed him and shook his head wildly. “Sit back down, Bill!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Clown!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Turn it off!” Mike roared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie glanced at Eddie who was white knuckled at the wheel, his mouth parted in a surprised “</span>
  <em>
    <span>O</span>
  </em>
  <span>”. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Riche shook his head frantically and jammed his finger into the power button and sighed as silence washed over the van.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. They hurried out of the van without a word. Stan doubled over in the grass and promptly was sick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It-I-It wa-was just a coincide-dence.” Bill reasoned after a minute. “It’s de-de-de-dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if It wasn’t, It would be twenty seven years.” Mike added thoughtfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But It </span>
  <em>
    <span>is,</span>
  </em>
  <span> so there’s no use dwelling on that.” Eddie snapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bev ran her hands through her bright hair. “I didn’t remember? For a minute I couldn’t remember the clown or why that was scary but as soon as it said red balloons it all popped back into my head?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That happened before, earlier on the road trip!” Ben said with wide eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie shook his head angrily. “People block trauma out </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> the time! This isn’t a clown thing! It is dead! Just because our minds are trying to spare us from it- we- we should be </span>
  <em>
    <span>glad</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie locked eyes onto Bev. It wasn’t just clown things they weren’t remembering. He couldn’t entertain the thought of not remembering his friends. Eddie was probably right. He had to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure you’re right, Eds!” He said loudly and strolled over to pat Stan on the back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stan shoved his hand away with a groan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They spent the rest of the day at Bev’s favorite spot overlooking the ocean. The waves were rougher than they had been the day before. It seemed to reflect the mood of the group as they all said goodbye and took turns hugging her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeezed Richie extra tight and slipped the carton of cigarettes into his hand with a grin. She pulled him in for a second hug and whispered in his ear, “Keep an eye out for those seven bedroom apartments, okay, Trashmouth?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The six of them watched her disappear through the rear view mirror in silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie silently turned the radio on and hummed along. Richie stared out his window glumly as the miles flew past. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were less than two hours away. The closer they got to Derry the closer he was to leaving the family he made. If he had the choice they’d live out the rest of their lives in some strange underground fortress Ben could build them. He snorted to himself. He could envision it perfectly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hummed along to the song by The Cure that was playing and idly drew faces and inappropriate artwork all over the condensation on his window. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So I try to laugh about it</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Cover it all up with lies</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I try to laugh about it</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hiding the tears in my eyes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause boys don't cry”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie frowned out the window as the song hit him where it hurt. The universe sure did like fucking with him. He rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I would tell you that I loved you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If I thought that you would stay</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I know that it's no use</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That you've already gone away”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie jumped as Eddie slammed the power button on the radio off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody in the car moved. Eddie was glaring at the road ahead of him, blinking away tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s play eye-spy.” Eddie cut him off loudly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Richie sagged in his seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They got to Derry in half the time they expected to, the radio off the rest of the time. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Bev jumped first, just like when they were kids. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie felt lighter than he could ever remember feeling as he splashed into the quarry water next to his friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie burst up from the murky water at Richie’s side and Richie smiled widely at him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t do it assho-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie splashed him right in the face with delighted laughter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the Losers joined in and once they were all drenched and washed clean of the sewers and all things Pennywise, they climbed out and started the walk back to the townhouse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bill broke the silence with a sigh. “I don’t know what to tell Audra.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stanley nodded at his side. “Patty will be good about it but I might not be leaving the house for a month or two.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think you won’t be able to leave the house? Myra is never going to let me out of her sight again!” Eddie scoffed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie stopped dead in his tracks. “Wha-”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie’s wife. The words rang through Richie’s head like Bugs Bunny hitting a gong before a particularly fucked up episode of Looney Tunes. Duh. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the group was still walking, listening to Eddie talk a mile a minute like always. Stanley was watching Richie nervously before slowing down and doubling back over to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Rich, you’ve had a long day, man. Let’s get you cleaned up and all bandaged up. Come on,” He pulled on his arm gently. The gentle voice he was using was just like pouring the salt in an open wound. It just cemented the fact that Richie was stupid, this was all </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie shook his head. God, how did he let himself think it changed anything? He knew better than to hope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for getting me out of that pickle back there, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie heard himself say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie slowed to a stop and stared grimly at Richie with a face that resembled someone who ate something that had gone very, very bad. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Rich.” He said in a voice that had no right to be so soft. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie willed him to look away. Eddie had only kissed him to break him from the deadlights. He was surprised to find himself angry. He was embarassed, and he didn’t need Eddie’s stupid over sized doe eyes gawking at him while he tried to repess feelings he had a hard enough time keeping a lid on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey guys, we all made it out alive. I think today could have gone really different. I think it almost did.” Stan said as he not so subtly stood in front of Richie and blocked him from Eddie’s view. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The images that flashed through to Richie from the deadlights popped back into his head. Eddie dying, blood pouring from his mouth with a gaping hole in his chest. His blood, warm and all over Richie’s face. Stanley was right. He wanted to be around all of his friends. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Truer words have never been said, Staniel the Maniel. I think we deserve greasy, fattening pizza for dinner.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here, here!” Bev cheered with a smile. Ben hung on her arm and smiled at her all dopey and warm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They started walking again, and Richie was torn from wanting to lock himself in his room for months on end and never wanting to leave his friend’s sides again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey.” Richie glanced up to see Bev and Stan walking on either side of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, hello?” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I just wanted to know if you wanted to go down to Georgia with me. I’m sure Patty would like to meet you. I don’t know if-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks Stan.” Richie smiled. “I’ll visit soon?” He asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“First of all - I have no desire to be there when you explain to the wife about the demonic alien monster clown. Pass.” He took a breath and double checked that the others were far, far ahead of them. “Second of all I have an overwhelming desire to trip you and say ‘I told you so’, and I would like to maybe get a handle on that before I meet the infamous Patty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stanley sputtered in laughter and stopped walking. He clutched Richie’s shoulder to hold himself up from the force of his laughter and wiped away a tear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rich, you can trip the fuck out of me. Okay?” He squeezed his shoulder once and straightened up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, well, raincheck?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stan shook his head with a wide smile and looked pointedly at Bev before jogging to catch up with the rest of the Losers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you two like tag-teaming the Richie Tozier mess, or what?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She slung her arm through his and swung their arms in the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Looks that way, doesn’t it?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Do you think it looks that way to everyone?” Richie asked, face reddening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we’ll have to work hard at keeping it to just a two-person tag team instead of six, if that’s what you mean? Because we love you.” She said in a sing-song voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I look like that big of a mess?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beverly rolled her eyes. “Richie.” She pulled his arm to make him stop walking. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just want you to know if you ever need to talk about any of it, at all, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I’m the only one who knows what it’s like and I know you’re going to do that Richie thing and close up but </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bev, I hardly think you’re the only one who knows what heartache feels like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stared at him with a deadpan look. “Trashmouth, I was talking about the deadlights.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie slapped a hand to his forehead. He was really batting a hundred. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never said that.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I never heard it.” She started swinging their arms again. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I can’t…” Richie trailed off, “I don’t think I’ll be able to talk about it for awhile.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded and pulled him in for a hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s okay.” She smiled. “I’ll be there when you can.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dinner was slightly awkward in the kind of way it’s guaranteed to be after you almost die with all your friends and have a semi-public heartbreak from one of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie liked to think he was one of the few that could really know what that felt like. He hoped so for any other poor fucker’s sake.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think we’re headed out early in the morning. We’ll call you once we’re in California. I hope- we shouldn’t forget each other this time, right?” Ben asked with Beverly on his arm, frowning at the thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think so. I think we did it this time, guys. I’m going to start packing and I’m going to Florida as soon as I’m ready and never come back to Derry.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie clinked his soda to Mike’s at that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not coming back when I’m seventy, fuck all of you.” Richie said, and Eddie laughed and nodded fervently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m not breaking a hip down in the Derry sewers.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Although</span>
  </em>
  <span>, do you know how demeaning old people are? We could make It </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> small. Just have to channel my parents.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, what, your parents don’t like your mastrubation anonymous jokes?” Eddie snorted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eds, my number one fan, do you want me to like, sign something before you leave, or did you want to grab a picture so your friends believe you? Or-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut the fuck up, Trashmouth.” Eddie laughed and climbed to his feet. “Well, I’m flying out at five. I need to go pack.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s soon.” Richie said softly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck Derry, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie sighed before adding, “Honestly, there is almost definitely a missing persons case out for me right now. I have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> to take care of when I get home.” A strange look crossed his face at that but Richie didn’t give himself time to dwell. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll see each other soon.” He said confidently. Eddie nodded before crossing the room to hug Richie tightly. He leaned back and nodded once again, at Richie, before hugging the rest of the Losers and saying goodnight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the door closed up stairs Bev turned towards him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Need time on that one too, Ringwald.” He said quietly.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Richie stuffed his hands into his pockets.  He just got back from spending an entire day with the Losers, lying through his teeth the entire time. They thought they had another two days together but Richie couldn’t do goodbyes. He knew they’d be hurt when he left in the morning but he wasn't like Big Bill, he wasn’t brave like that. He was a piece of shit friend and he hoped they’d forgive him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He made every second count with his friends all day, avoiding Stan’s quizzical stares. When they split off for the night and it was just the two of them left, Stan surprised him with a tight lingering hug. When he pulled back he smiled softly at him. “See you later, Trashmouth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie kicked a rock and ducked into the familiar yard. This was the part he was dreading all day long. He couldn’t just move across the country without spending time with Eddie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since they has been back, things had gone mostly back to the way they were before their trip. He didn’t go down the road of what the new normal could have looked like. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He never thought the most painful thing about baring his soul to Eddie would be having his feelings reciprocated. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He picked up a handful of pebbles and started tossing them at the window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It cracked open as the second one was still in the air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow, asshole, don’t throw rocks at me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie dumped the rest of them on the ground and hurried over. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>at</span>
  </em>
  <span> you. Move over.” He tumbled through the window and stayed laying on the carpet of Eddie’s room for a beat. It was sombering to think it was the last time he’d wedge his body through that window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He couldn’t let his last night with Eddie be sad. That was the whole reason Eddie didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> it was the last night. He shook his head and sat up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I brought some new comics over.” He tossed them over to Eddie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie grabbed them before plopping down half on Richie’s lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had music playing softly from his stereo, a blanket was stuffed under his door so his mom wouldn’t hear it. God, Richie hoped he moved out of Maine and away from her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His heart skipped as he realized Eddie had been listening to a Tears for Fears tape. He glanced down at the boy who was glaring into the comic with scarlett cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He snuggled down and pressed closer to Eddie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie hummed along quietly and tried to just enjoy the moment for what it was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie started to get up when Head Over Heels started playing but Richie grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, this time really on Richie’s lap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just let it play?” Richie’s face burned as he asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie stared hard at him before settling against him and cracking the comic back open. “Okay, Rich.” He ran his fingers up the back of Richie’s hand and sighed. Richie turned his hand over and mindlessly played with Eddie’s fingers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They let the tape play out and the room settled in comfortable silence. Eddie kept quiet about Richie plucking his fingers, and Richie didn’t comment on the fact that Eddie hadn’t turned a page in the comic he was supposedly reading the entire time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should go to sleep,” Eddie sighed. They had been laying there in mostly comfortable silence, save for the occasional whispered thought. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie glanced to the window that was glowing orange from the rising sun. He needed to get home before his mom realized he left. She wanted to leave by the time the sun was up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You go to sleep, Eds.” He climbed to his feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you just stay the night?” Eddie asked with an adorable pout that made Richie want to kick himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I, uh, told my mom I’d help her with breakfast. I think she wanted to make it early for my dad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie nodded, seemingly believing him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Night Eds.” Richie whispered and hopped out of the window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Rich, see you later.” he heard him say, half awake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie didn’t reply. He shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his face down. His eyes burned and the early morning chill nipped at his skin the entire walk home.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There you are, Richard what are you doing, trying to turn all of my hair white?” His mom chastised as he walked through the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She looked up and Richie could see her face soften considerably through his tears, as she made her way over to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you’ll meet a lot of friends in California, Rich.” She said in a hushed voice and patted his hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They loaded the rest of the things into their moving van and Derry was behind Richie before he could wrap his head around it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Richie’s phone lit up with a text from the group chat. He was glad they were all just as determined to stay connected this time. After two months he was happy to find all memories intact and all of his friends doing great. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He picked it up to find a picture of Bev from Ben and a spoiled looking dog, as well as a picture of a gorgeous Flordian ocean sunset from Mike.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled and found the emojis that would most exasperate his friends and sent twelve before tossing his phone back onto his couch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Things with Eddie would be weird if any of them had heard from him besides the odd reply or argument in the chat. Apparently his life in New York City had been hurting without him and Richie tried not to take him being so busy personally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surely the kissing him out of the deadlights wasn’t the reason he was keeping his distance. Richie had his suspicions that Eddie was keeping in touch with the other Losers more regularly, but didn’t pry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There wasn’t an answer that would make Richie feel any better. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He could hear a strange noise that didn’t fit in with the rest of the sleepy atmosphere of the house. After trying to ignore it for a few minutes to no avail he paused the tv that was droning on in the background. It sounded like a tiny tapping noise. He waited in silence before jumping to his feet when it started again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It sounded like it was coming from his bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He wiped the sweat from his hands off on his pajama pants, surely he couldn’t be afraid of something so mundane and innocent? He just killed a man and ripped an alien clown’s arm off. He had a reputation to uphold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cracked his bedroom door open and stuck his head in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing looked out of the ordinary.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He heard the noise again and stared hard at his bedroom window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stalked over to it and wrenched it open. Honestly, he really wasn’t famous enough for people to stalk him so if that was the case he was going to have to just set this person straight and on their way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eddie</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie took a few steps back and dumped the rocks in his hand onto the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You going to help me up?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie shrugged and motioned him over. He grabbed Eddie’s arms and heaved. Eddie’s childhood bedroom window was much closer to the ground, though Eddie was probably the same height now as Richie was then. He made a mental note to share that revelation after he found out just what the fuck was happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie straightened up and dusted himself off before he surged forward and kissed Richie like he ached for it. He was kissing Richie like he needed it, the same way he needed air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie pulled him flush against him before backing away. “Wait, Eds, what are you-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck sorry. That was supposed to be romantic and it was just aggressive.” Eddie rolled his eyes and started pacing. “Your room’s a mess, Rich, you should really learn to fold your clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha-”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Eddie held a hand up and shook his head but kept pacing. “I was supposed to do this the right way. I went home and I’ve-I’ve been in divorce lawyers meetings and fighting with Myra the whole time. She’s convinced I hit my head! Do I look like someone that hit their head? I swear to fucking god, Richie if you say one thing about my scar I’ll lose it.” He shot Richie a withering look before resuming his tyrant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So I am doing everything right and it’s taking forever. I even got a note from a doctor that my head was fucking fine, just to try to speed things up. I’ve been in video call interviews to firms in LA to find a job out here and they seriously need to read up on how to hire a fucking person. I should quit and then turn around to teach them how to do their jobs the correct way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stopped and stared over at Richie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I find a place out here, I get all settled in and then after listening to all of our friends insist you don’t hate me, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>finally</span>
  </em>
  <span> come over here, running the entire thing through my head the whole time and I fuck it up as soon as I’m in your room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re divorced?” Richie asked dumbly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie nodded but stayed rooted to the spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eds. You want to be with me?” His voice sounded pathetic even to his own ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It seemed to unglue Eddie. He marched over and gripped Richie’s shoulders tight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God, Rich. I’ve </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> wanted to be with you. I’m just always, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> scared. I couldn’t do more or tell you I was leaving her or anything without doing it first. I couldn’t do that to you if I didn’t go through with it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie dropped his head down and pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, Eddie.” He whispered. “You don’t need to be scared or think about me-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t not think about you, Dumbass. And I’m not scared anymore.” He stared into Richie’s eyes. His own were lit from somewhere deep inside of him. He smiled. “I’m braver than I think, Rich.” He brought their lips together and kissed him tenderly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For the record I don’t know what you were planning but you killed it with the romantic thing.” Richie conceded after they parted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie laughed and pressed his face against Richie’s shoulder. “Oh god, it actually would have been so over the top. I was going to play Tears for Fe-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Eddie, baby, that would have been a sure fire way to make me a weeping mess the entire night. Let’s not even entertain the thought.” Richie interrupted with a cackle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thirteen year old me would have a field day with this.” He murmured after a minute and revelled in Eddie’s warmth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He backed up when Eddie started shaking with laughter. “Thirteen year old </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>would kick my ass for not doing this before I was fucking forty.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie laughed. “God, what a little terror.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now or then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Richie squeezed him tight and laughed as he squirmed to get out of his grip. “Yes.” He said simply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Besides, it doesn’t matter. We have now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eddie’s smile was blinding. “We do, don’t we?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://juiceboxjimmy.t"> <i> Something happens and I'm head over heels.... </i> </a><br/>

</p>
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